It has emerged that Si Paton is now powerful than OPEC it has been claimed by a new report following a hike in the price of a BDS entry. Si Paton now controls 80% of the UK’s racing scene and has no intention of redistributing wealth throughout the United Kingdom.
The report also found that Mr Paton has spent the new profit on a new ‘mountain retreat’ with reinforced basement in Berghof, a small town in the Bavarian Alps. This was part of a larger list that also included, a duck house, taxi’s to and from every race and a second home in Peebles.
With the new price rise also came new a new set of rules these rules will be strictly imposed by the death penalty (death by boredom, administered by having to sit through a rider briefing).
The new rules include:
- No rider can have the same haircut as Supreme Leader Paton – Don’t worry vets if you’re starting to bald hair transplants will soon be cheaper than entering a round of the BDS.
- Before racing riders must get on one knee and thank Our Father and Saviour Paton for putting this wonderful race on earth
- When referring to the BDS it must only be referred to as ‘The Master Race’
- Refunds will only be awarded if the rider in question can lick his/her own elbow
Supreme Leader Paton could not be reached as he was having dinner with Dan Bilzarian on his private yacht.