Si Paton More Powerful Than Opec Following BDS Price Rise, Report Says

It has emerged that Si Paton is now powerful than OPEC it has been claimed by a new report following a hike in the price of a BDS entry. Si Paton now controls 80% of the UK’s racing scene and has no intention of redistributing wealth throughout the United Kingdom.

'Send that one to the showers.' Photo by Si Paton
‘Send that one to the showers.’
Photo by Si Paton

The report also found that Mr Paton has spent the new profit on a new ‘mountain retreat’ with reinforced basement in Berghof, a small town in the Bavarian Alps. This was part of a larger list that also included, a duck house, taxi’s to and from every race and a second home in Peebles.

With the new price rise also came new a new set of rules these rules will be strictly imposed by the death penalty (death by boredom, administered by having to sit through a rider briefing).

The new rules include:

  • No rider can have the same haircut as Supreme Leader Paton – Don’t worry vets if you’re starting to bald hair transplants will soon be cheaper than entering a round of the BDS.
  • Before racing riders must get on one knee and thank Our Father and Saviour Paton for putting this wonderful race on earth
  • When referring to the BDS it must only be referred to as ‘The Master Race’
  • Refunds will only be awarded if the rider in question can lick his/her own elbow

Supreme Leader Paton could not be reached as he was having dinner with Dan Bilzarian on his private yacht.

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