UCI Official Outraged to Hear ‘Mountain Biking’ is a Sport Not an Offshore Account

An unnamed UCI official has expressed his shock and anger today after he discovered that ‘Mountain Biking’ is a sport and not his secret pension fund.

The news emerged after a month long sting operation by Headjar, in which the angry official ranted unknowingly on a hidden camera about where his money has been going.

‘You can get much further with a kind word and a urine sample than you can get with a kind word alone’

‘How was I supposed to know that this Mountain Biking thing is actually a sport.’ The official can be heard saying in an Italian cafe. ‘I mean how preposterous, a form of cycling that doesn’t involve lycra, cafe stops and matching socks. How are you even supposed to make money off this cancerous lump to my sport. Do you have any idea how much a 5 star hotel in Majorca costs!?’

Confused, we followed up his somewhat rhetorical question. ‘About three syringes, half a test tube of epo and a blind eye’ He smirked, as he tucked into his skinny latte.

It wasn’t all bad news to him though, ‘I like the look of this Danny MacAskill guy though. If he can front-flip over a fence I’m sure he could jump through hoops like a proper athlete.’


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