Scientists Unsure When World Will End Following Steve Peat’s Retirement

Scientist can no longer predict when the world will end after Steve Peat retires in 2016. Scientists have said they can longer be certain of the exact time held on atomic clocks around the world as they no longer have a consistent reference to check it against.

‘At the end of every season we measure how far a particular hair on Steve’s wrist has past a freckle and from this we can establish whether our atomic clocks are accurate. Without Steve completing a full season we are worried this may effect the consistency of movement of the hair.’ Professor Cox explained.

‘We also can no longer predict how long the sun will provide a habitable life for us here on earth. With most people we see their life’s affected by the positions by the of the stars and planets, hence the very accurate horoscope system. With somebody who has such a strong influence on the mountain bike community, the world and universe, he actually does the reverse. With such a shift in Steve’s life pattern we are concerned this may speed up the aging of the sun or prevent the moon from orbiting.’

This is another blow to hop farmers who are expecting a worldwide shortage in hops after Steve’s retirement party. Stella Artois have begun restricting sales of its beer in order to build up a supply big enough for the event.

Cheers, Steve enjoy your retirement.

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